That above explanation of the recipe is probably rubbish.
Sorry, but I'm going off the explanation in one of the handouts, it was explained much clearer in the session, but I can't remember exactly what was said. I'll try to summarise below:

SUMMARY:
1. Amplification of symptoms/tiredness/problems
by only listening to things which support our negative point of view.

2. Filtering information from our body,
checking for how tired we are, thinking about how bad we'll feel if we overdo it, or anticipating tiredness or symptoms. The filtering being to only look at information that's negative.

3. Completely thinking in terms of tiredness, symptoms, etc.
You completely disassociate from wellness, energy and confidence in your body.

4. We think about the past, about how hard activities have been.
This then makes our thoughts about the present 'polluted' by thoughts from the past.
Our thoughts about the future are then full of "It'll be more of the same for the near future".

5. We start up this negative internal soundtrack.
Thoughts about how tired/ill you're feeling, thoughts about "What if (insert something bad) happens?".

6. Apparently some people hyperventilate or sigh a lot,
which can produce the tiredness/symptoms for ME/CFS.
Personally I've never noticed this, and according to my mum I don't sigh/hyperventilate noticeably. My sister, who also does ME/CFS, sighs a lot.

7. We start thinking about how it's not our fault we're ill, and that we can't do anything about it without some sort of outside drugs or therapy. The feeling that you don't really have any control.

The 'Sort for red' exercise;
To emphasise point 2, we had a go at what was called the 'Sort for red' exercise.
This was quite fun, we were all told to close our eyes and not open them until we were told to. We were then told that when instructed to open our eyes, we'd have 10 seconds to search for red objects in the room, then have to close our eyes again. We did that, then with our eyes still closed we were asked to name as many red objects as possible. We could name quite a few, for example a book, the rug was red, a red stapler, red cushion.

We were then asked, with our eyes still closed, to name something in the room that was blue. Nobody could name anything, apart from me (the background of the powerpoint display was blue). Apparently I was the first person Sally-Ann had seen who could think of something, but I'm just a smartarse. We then opened our eyes, and were shown that not all of the things we named as red were actually red. The stapler was clearly orange.

So what does this have to do with point 2?
Well, instead of looking for red inside you, you're looking for tiredness/other symptoms. When you see things which might or might not be red (like the stapler), or which might or might not be tiredness, we see them as being tiredness/other symptoms. We don't even see the blue things, the energetic/well things, because we're not looking for them.

I hope that made things a bit clearer.

Okay, this post is long enough as it is.
The above isn't the actual process itself, that's the first part of learning the process. We did get around the learning the 'core' process in the lesson, but I'm going to end this post now and probably write a post detailing the actual process tomorrow. Sorry, but I've been writing this post for almost as long as the first session took and although my brain is still perfectly clear (very unusual) and I'm not really feeling tired at all, I want to go and have a bath.

There's a cliffhanger for you!

I hope this helps shed some light on the LP for anyone who's thinking about doing it, researching it for a friend, or is just plain curious. There is a whole list of things it apparently works on, go and take a look at the official Phil Parker Lightning Process website which has a list of practitioners, too. I'm not making any definitive claims as to whether it works for ME/CFS yet, but with the way I'm feeling at the moment, I'd say it's looking good!

As always, comments are more than welcome, I'd really like to hear back from anyone else who's done the lightning process, anyone thinking of doing it, just anyone. If you have any questions whatsoever, you can either post a comment, or email me if you want to.

Thursday, May 10, 2007
The morning after ... Part 4
http://wikrok.blogspot.com/2007/05/morning-after.html

Right, well it's now 7:30am. I got off to sleep at around 11 last night, and was woken up by my dad getting ready for work at 6:50ish. I lay awake in bed with a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time, I felt like my body wanted to get up. Even more than that, I felt like I had energy, there was a strange feeling in my muscles (alongside all the aches). So, even though I didn't have to get up until 8:30, I got up at 7.

I guess I'll take the time now to try and explain the 'core' Lightning Process that we learned yesterday.

I don't recall where I got up to with that huge post last night, but the Lightning Process is basically saying "STOP!" to those negative thoughts which build up stress and adrenaline, which makes you feel so knackered. To emphasise the way it was done, there were different coloured carpet squares laid out on the floor.

The first step/square is the present, or the negative thought.
As soon as you recognise that negative thought,

you move left onto the next step/square (you're always facing yourself in the 'present' when you move), which is the Stop square. When you're there you firmly say "Stop!", but not as if you're telling yourself off. The "Stop!" is accompanied by some sort of stop gesture (eg both hands pushed away from the body with palms facing outwards) to further emphasise it. After the Stop step/square,

you move onto the Choice step/square.
Here, as the name suggests, you have to make a choice.
You can either go back to 'The Pit', which is the negative thought, basically where you've been for the last x months/years before you went for the LP.
Or you can move onto the Coach step.

Obviously if you're taking the LP, you're looking to get better, so you move onto the Coach step/square. This is the bit where I started to feel a little silly, especially when I did this in front of the group. When you're at the Coach square, you turn into your own Coach. In most cases it's best to still be you when you're coaching yourself, but a positive, helpful, understanding, "we'll get through this" sort of you.

And at the Coach step, you face the you in the 'present', and say
"Well done! You are on track, you are powerful, and I'm with you every step of the way."
(Told you I felt silly). After this, you then step back into the 'present' you, and think about how it feels to have recognised the negative thought and stopped it.

You then say "Thank you" to your 'coach'.

You then move back to the Coach square, and ask the 'present' you
"What do you want to achieve?".
Moving back to the 'present' you (It's almost like some sort of dodgy comedy act), you answer the question making sure you state it in positive terms.

You wouldn't say something (Passive) like "I want to feel better", because that means you still have to look to the past and to see what you want to be better than. You also don't say something like "I don't want to be tired", as this just makes your mind think about tired. Eg: If I told you "Don't think about Elvis juggling purple monkeys", what would you instantly think about? Elvis juggling purple monkeys, of course.

You want to phrase it (Active) like "I want to be energetic", "I want to be able to concentrate", something like that. After the 'present' you answer the question, you go back to the Coach, and ask 'present' you "How are you going to achieve that?". And for the time being, apparently, the answer from 'present' you is "By using the Lightning Process.".
Just to break it down:

1. Present: You have a negative thought.

2. Stop: You immediately move to the Stop square,
and firmly say "Stop!" along with a stopping gesture.

3. Choice: You move to the Choice square,
and whether you want to go back into the pit, or if you want to coach yourself.

4. Coach: You become your own perfect coach.
Looking from the Coach square to you standing in the Present square, you tell yourself "Well done! You are on track, you are powerful and I'm with you every step of the way."

5. Present: You move back to the Present square,
think about how it feels to have stopped the negative thought, and thank your coach.

6. Coach: You move back to the Coach square,
and ask yourself what you want to achieve.

7. Present: Back to Present you,
you answer this question using positive language.

8. Coach: Coach you then asks how you are going to do that.

9. Present: Present you answer "By using the Lightning Process".

Thursday, May 10, 2007
Day 2: Evening ... Part 5
http://wikrok.blogspot.com/2007/05/day-2-evening.html

Hey there once again! (If you're just joining me, scroll down to the post titled "Rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated ...", read up from there and you'll have a much clearer picture of what's going on).

I might as well start this post the same way as the others, I'll tell you how I'm feeling right now. My major complaint at the moment is that my feet, my legs and to a lesser extent, my arms ache like hell. Part of the feet aching could be due to the fact that I've been breaking in a new pair of shoes all day, but they wouldn't hurt this much if I hadn't walked an awful lot. Apart from the aches I feel, dare I say it, fine. Normal. Better, even.

Yeah, it's hard for me to believe it too!
Let me just tell you what I did today.
Okay, so as you know from my previous post, I woke up at 7am (I usually wake up at 10) with my body feeling like it wanted to get up. Before it was almost always a case of my brain or my stomach dragging me out of bed, usually because it's breakfast time. As I was lying awake before getting up, the muscles in my limbs just felt like they had energy, something which I haven't felt in a long time.

Anyway, got up at 7 and my mum drove me over to Farnham for the second 3 hour session which started at 10 am again. We did the three hour session (well, it was only 2 1/2 hrs as everyone was doing really well), and I'll tell you more about that later in this post. My mum and I then walked into Farnham town centre (about 10 minutes from the practice) and had lunch in Costa[lot] Coffee. Before I go any further, their Ham, Mozerella and Mushroom toasted sandwiches with tomato and herb sauce is fantastic. I also drank a 500 ml bottle of Coke.

I'd been trying to stay off anything with caffeine in it on Tuesday and Wednesday. For those of you who don't know me too well, back when I was feeling lousy with the CFS (pick any day for the last 2 1/2 years, apart from today/yesterday) and I had something I needed to have a bit more energy for, or something I wanted to do, I'd have some form of caffeine. I'm an expert in caffeinated mints/sweets, and a variety of energy drinks now. So I had 0 caffeine on Tuesday and Wednesday to make sure that I got a proper handle on how I was feeling. But after that bottle of coke at lunch today, I felt a real buzz from the caffiene! Usually, unless I had a large amount (>180mg), I just felt slightly more awake, no buzz or anything. But this can't be bad, caffeine is fun again!

After lunch we came home from Farnham and spent 20 minutes checking emails/sorting the rabbits out/etc, then went straight back into the car to go into Guildford town centre for some much-needed shopping (recovery appears to be an expensive business!). You've probably guessed, but I'm not really the type who views shopping as a fun activity or a way to while away an afternoon. I'm more of the "Ugh, let's get it over and done with" type. It was a really productive trip, first we went into a hardware shop to get some new hinges for the rabbit's run, then all the way down the high street to Marks & Spencers. If you're not familliar with Guildford High Street/North Street, and I'm sure 99% of you aren't, it's on a fairly steep hill. As we parked at the top, any walk to a shop involves going down the hill, around the shop, then back up to the top to get to the car.

In M&S I was shopping for a new pair of trousers, because I've only got two pairs which fit me. But that wasn't a problem when I barely left the house. After a little searching I finally found a style that I like (I can't stand jeans, for reasons I won't go into here), in the same size as my current ones. After trying them on I decided they were a hit, and we bought them. Now this is something of a miracle in itself, finding a pair of trousers that I like usually takes three trips to M&S/wherever. They were a little on the loose side, like my other ones, so I decided a belt would be a good purchase. So I walk down to the end of the menswear department to look at them. While I was there, I felt this wave of familliar ME/CFS tiredness hit me. So I stopped, stood there with my eyes closed, and went through the full LP (which we learnt today) in my head, in the store. I must say I felt a bit silly but it worked! About thirty seconds afterwards, the feeling had just gone and I was back to looking for the belts. There were none I liked, and the cheapest one was the wrong side of £10 for me.

It occured to me on the way out how it was damn lucky that the ME tiredness had come over me in the menswear section. If I had been walking through the womans underwear section (as I was when I was trying to find the toilets) and suddenly stopped, closed my eyes and just stood there, I expect I would've been escorted from the building. We then walked further down the street and into the shopping mall type of place in search of a belt. But first we went up to the food court in search of ice cream, only to find that the Baskin Robins had been replaced by some sort of fruit drink shop, the name of which had 'Zest' in it. There was a drink there called the 'Energizer' which didn't sound too nasty, so we said what the hell and got one each. I guess it was a fruit smoothie, but made with frozen fruit. There might have been some yoghurt but I'm not sure.

As my mum and I were sitting up there in the food court, drinking the weird fruit thing and looking out of the window onto the one-way system (and discussing what an idiot a cyclist was, who obliviously went straight through a red light as if the law didn't apply to him), I felt another wave of ME/CFS tiredness come over me. So I sat there and again went over the full lightning process in my head. What I'm trying out at the moment is saying all the words in my head (or mouthing them), but when I say 'Stop!', I do perform a smaller version of my stop gesture.

Both of the times I've tried it this way have been in public, but as it appears to be working I might do it at home too. I still feel like a bit of an idiot, walking about and talking to myself even if the house is empty and I'm alone in a locked room. What I think I'll do at home is say the words in my head, but keep the stop gesture and get up and walk around as if I'm on the carpet squares in the sessions. The trainer was saying today that sometimes it's just a change of posture (eg going from sitting up feeling fatigued to standing up walking around the imagianary/real carpet squares) can make a difference. And again, it just emphasises that you're doing the LP to your brain, I think.

This is getting a rather long description of my day, sorry. I'm using this blog as much for myself as for anyone else, just as a place to deconstruct my thoughts and archive them for later. And maybe just to make them real. Anyway we looked in another clothes store for a belt, didn't find one. We then went into Argos, and I bought a new (cheap) watch! I haven't worn a watch since I went down with the original virus which triggered my ME/CFS, because what's the point? I've either at the computer, watching telly, or in my room for I reckon about 95% of the two and a half years I did ME/CFS, and in all those places there's a clock. I think just wearing a watch again reinforces the fact that I feel that I'm going to be up and about and just out of the house more, and that I'm going to need one to get where I want to on time, etc. All good stuff, you see.

Bought the watch, walked up towards the library but stopped off in one last clothes store in search of a belt. Bingo! Found one, bought it, went to the library. Filled out the stuff nessecary to upgrade my library card to their new system, then spent 10 minutes looking for a Photoshop book. Found one, checked it out, then walked all the way back to the car park. Came home, had dinner, tried on clothes, started typing this post.

According to the car park ticket we were in town walking about for about 2 hours and 20 minutes. That's a really long trip for when I was well.

Now adding all of that activity to the activity of yesterday, and with the activity over the weekend and right now without the LP, I would be curled up on the sofa under my cover watching TV, that'd be the best case scenario. But with the LP over the last two days, right now my brain feels crystal clear and my energy levels are up. I could probably manage another hours worth of ICT GCSE work if it wasn't so dull! But now comes the slightly confusing part.

When I get those waves of ME/CFS tiredness come over me as described above, such as in M&S, I can tell that it's the bad fatigue, the sort I've felt for the last 2 1/2 years. But sitting here now, I feel slightly tired, but it's a different sort of tired. I'm not sure if it's proper tired, normal healthy tired or just a variation on the ME/CFS tiredness. I think that's something I'll ask Sally-Ann about tomorrow. We're all going back for a one hour individual session, so that should be good to wrap things up.

Anyway I'm sorry I didn't get around to posting what we learnt in day two, but I've done so much today and what I thought would be a fairly short section on how I've been feeling, etc has turned into a full length post. And now I'm desperately need to have a Radox muscle-soak bath or I'll be too stiff to get up tomorrow.

But don't fear! I'll post what I learnt today in another post, maybe later this evening, more likely tomorrow sometime.

Thanks again for reading, and any comments, questions, insults, death threats, or emails are more than welcome. Also if you've actually managed to find this blog, please pass the link (http://wikrok.blospot.com) on to anyone you know who's got ME/CFS, or anyone who knows/is caring for someone with ME/CFS, or is just thinking about the Lightning Process for anything else. I hate to blow my own horn, but this is by far the most detailed account of A) The Lightning Process itself and B) The thoughts/feelings of an ME/CFS sufferer before, during and (eventually) after taking the Process.

Saturday, May 12, 2007
Day 4 ..., Part 6

Sorry about the lack of a post yesterday, I was out having too much fun!
This will probably be a quick one too, though I may go over what happened in Day 2 before I forget or something.

So guess what I've been upto today and yesterday.
Lying around the house? No! Yesterday (Friday) was my last Lightning Process session, and that was just an hour with me (and mum) and Sally-Ann, just making sure I had it all working fine and a few other things, nothing really worth noting here. After that was the inevitable lunch in a garden centre cafe, then I had a couple of hours at home while mum went for a haircut. I just sat around on the PC watching a DVD, enjoying having a chance to put my feet up. And after that? Well:

Click for larger image if you really want to (not included here).

That'd be me (on the right) and mum braving the rain on Friday afternoon and taking a walk part of the way around the Devil's Punchbowl. I dunno how far we walked, and I can't really remember how long we took either but I was taking photos along the way and thoroughly enjoying it.

Today (Saturday) I spent most of the day tidying my room up a bit and getting my bedroom computer into some sort of usable state. My room isn't that bad nowadays, but it still took a bit of doing. And this evening me, mum and dad (my sister who has CFS was asleep, and wouldn't have been able to come anyway) went out for dinner.

Anyway I think I'm going to go into Day 2 while I've got some time.
It may not be as detailed as Day 1, as it's not as fresh in my memory, but we'll see.

Day 2, as with Day 1, was in the same group and the same clinic.
First thing we did once we'd all arrived and got settled was go around and say how we were feeling, what positive changes we'd noticed, and how we'd been using the LP. I'm not sure if I said this in the Day 1 post, but towards the end of the first session we were asked to think of a bit of 'homework' which we wanted to do before Day 2's session, but wouldn't normally be able to do when we were doing ME/CFS. Some sort of activity which would usually make you knackered. One person's was to get up earlier and walk down to the shop to buy a paper. Another's was to go to the pub that evening and have half a pint of lager. I decided that as a deadline for my distance learning ICT GCSE coursework was getting kind of close that I'd do an hour of work on that. Usually I could just about manage half an hour of that, and then a rest for a few hours.

So I did that (before going shoe shopping), and managed the hour pretty well, using the LP 6 times during that hour. I'm not sure if it was because I was sitting doing it in the study (where I spent most of my time whilst doing CFS), or if it's the brainwork that takes it out of me more than the physical stuff, but I found that I needed to use the LP more during that hour of ICT work than I did during the shoe shopping or in the town the next day. But then again, that was the first 'real' activity I used the LP on, and I haven't tried any more ICT since, so it could just have been that.

I'm getting sidetracked again!
We told everyone about the things we'd noticed, etc.. I think all the stuff I said is written down here in some post or other. After that I can't remember if we looked at something else, or went straight on to learning about 'brain rehearsal'. Sorry I'm forgetting all the details here, I should've done this yesterday! Brain rehearsal is basically where your brain goes over memories of being in the same/similar situations to one you're in or going to be in, and then weighs up the positive and negative memories to decide what your view of the current situation will be.

Actually I'm not explaining it very well at all, I will come back and do this at another time, preferably not straight after a big meal in a dimly lit room.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007
The Lightning Process:
One Week On, and Day 2 In Detail ..., Part 8
http://wikrok.blogspot.com/2007/05/
lightning-process-one-week-on-and-day-2.html

(Though probably not as much detail as Day 1)

Just to emphasise this, I'll say it again - Oh, and by the way, this is IN NO WAY intended to replace going on a lightning process seminar (if you want to) and doing it properly. I'm just going off memory and I've probably forgotten a bunch of things. This is just to put a bit (a lot, hopefully) more information about the guts of the Lightning Process out on the internet for people researching it to see.

I'm sorry I haven't updated this for a while, but I've been too damn busy!
A good thing for me but not so good for you poor readers, I guess.
But fear not, I have nothing to do for the rest of the day but ICT coursework and writing a post or two here, so you've got me all to yourselves.

Wow, I just realised it's Wednesday already.
That makes it exactly a week (almost to the hour) since my first session of The Lightning Process, and I must say it's been rather a good one. The amount of things I've done in the last week is similar to what I've done on week-long holidays in the past year (back when I did ME/CFS), but those holidays set me back at least a month. Not to mention going and doing things got harder each day as the fatigue built up. But not anymore! Since doing the LP, I've not felt a single bad consequence (apart from my muscles complaining, and maybe my parent's bank balance!) from all this activity. No waking up and feeling "Urghg, I overdid it yesterday/last week and I'm going to have to spend all day laying down" or anything like that. From what I've heard, it usually takes about a week for all that adrenaline to completely drain out of your system, but I felt the effects of doing the LP almost immediately. Anyway...

I'm going to, as always, go over what I've been upto since my last post. I promise I'll try not to get carried away and write a long post about what I've done and not get around to writing about Day 2 of the LP, as I did on Saturday.

So, Sunday was a pretty 'normal' day for me.
I spent most of it either reading (I didn't have too much trouble reading before the LP, but I'm finding it easier now. Maybe it's just a good excuse to get away from the computer.), listening to music or playing Gran Turismo 2 on my PSP. To be honest, I did that quite alot before the LP but afterwards I find that I can concentrate on a book or a game easier, and for longer periods of time. I think my laptimes in Gran Turismo 2 have even gone down a couple of seconds, too!

Monday I spent most of the morning cracking on with my ICT work, which hasn't gotten any more exciting. It was the first time I'd done any since Day 1 of the LP (when I was first learning it, and had to use the process 6 or 7 times during an hours concentrating on it), and I don't think I used the LP once during a couple of hours of it. After lunch I started looking at local colleges so I can start getting my education back on track, and had fun looking over all the brochures. After that, I called Guildford College's advice line to ask a few questions about their GCSE courses.

I noticed a big change there.
Back when I did CFS/ME I found picking up/answering the phone and talking to someone unfamiliar a real drain. I'm not the most outgoing of people anyway, but it was much easier on Monday than it had been for a while. After that mum and I went over to Woking to pick up a library book and take a look around a few other shops.

You may have noticed that in this post (and maybe a couple of previous ones, I'm not sure), when I talk about how was before the LP, I'm saying things like "Back when I did CFS/ME". Part of this is speaking in 'Active' language (see Lightning Process Day 1. But as far as I'm concerned (at least for the time being), I am cured. Normal. Completely better, whatever you want to call it. Good, isn't it?

Yesterday (Tuesday) was a fun day, my mum and I (it's starting to sound like I'm the only child of a single mother, isn't it? My Dad works quite a way away, so he's out of the house 7am to 7-8pm most days, and my sister also has ME/CFS.) spent the day in Broadstairs, Kent visiting my Grandfather. I won't bore you with the details however a rather windy walk along Broadstairs beach was involved, which is certainly a good way to 'blow out the cobwebs'. It was a long, slightly stressful day.

Stressful?! Yes, you read right. No, we don't have family trouble or anything like that. But I did find out that my ancient (well, 2 year old) Rio Karma mp3 player doesn't hold a charge like it used to. This was discovered in the car on the drive home, and it seems after a full charge the battery only lasts for around 3 hours, where it used to be 10-12. And of course I'm going to Italy for a week on Saturday, and 3 hrs of music isn't much use at an airport.

So I had to spend £156 on a new mp3 player (Creative Zen Vision: M if you really want to know) and express delivery from Amazon last night. Only to read this morning that for some f***ing stupid reason, Creative don't include an AC charger with the player! You've either got to charge it via the USB port in your PC, which they say takes 6 hrs, or spend another goddamn £20 (and god knows what for shipping) on an AC charger. According to the internet, a PSP charger does the trick but knowing my luck, only the US version of the player has the right socket, or something. But I'm getting sidetracked...

Just a quick note on sleep - you may or may not know about how my sleep was when I did CFS/ME. Basically it was on a sort of cycle where I'd spend about 10 days in a row sleeping from 10 pm-10 am, and then I'd stay up an hour later and get up an hour later (ish) each day, until my sleep had gone in a full circle and I was back to sleeping 10 pm-10 am for another 10 days. If I ignored the urge to shift and just got up at 10am no matter what, I'd start feeling tireder and tireder until I couldn't do anything but lay in bed all day. Strange, I know. But yeah, I slept a solid 11-12 hrs no matter what time of night (or day) it was. By my calculations, my sleep was due to start wanting to shift Saturday-Sundayish. But so far it's Wednesday and nothing's happened, so fingers crossed. I find I'm also sleeping less, which is a good thing. I've been setting my alarm for 8am for the last few days in order to get a routine going, and it seems to be working. I head up to bed 10-10:30pm most nights, but I haven't been getting to sleep until 11:30-12. But I guess this sort of thing will take a little while to sort itself out.

Right, I've done it again, haven't I? Gone on and on about what's been happening. I do apologise.

So, The Lightning Process Day 2.
If you don't mind, I'm going to copy and paste in what I started in the previous post, as the Lightning Process hasn't stopped me from being lazy!

Day 2, as with Day 1, was in the same group and the same clinic. First thing we did once we'd all arrived and got settled was go around and say how we were feeling, what positive changes we'd noticed, and how we'd been using the LP. ...

We told everyone about the things we'd noticed, etc. I think all the stuff I said is written down here in some post or other. After that I can't remember if we looked at something else, or went straight on to learning about 'brain rehearsal'. Sorry I'm forgetting all the details here, I should've written this closer to the session!

Actually, after that we went on to some sort of list of the way things happen with LP.
It went something like:

1. Recognising triggers
- noticing your negative thought patterns.

2. Application and Evidence
- Using the LP on those negative thought patterns and noticing the effects that doing the LP has on you.

3. Automation, 'In the clear'
- Eventually you get so good at recognising the negative thought patterns and doing the LP on them that it all happens subconsciously without you realising. This can take anywhere from 3 days to 2-3 weeks, apparently.

Just to clarify some of the above,
the LP is basically creating a new neural pathway (or something similar) in your brain.

The way it goes now is
"Negative Thought > Worry > Adrenaline Build-up > CFS/ME"
or something similar to that. Again, I can't remember exactly (I'm really sorry about this!). And that's how your brain processes it.

But with the LP, you're attempting to create a new neural pathway to divert it away from what's currently happening. The new one went something like
"Negative Thought > Stop! > LP > A Life You Love".
We were then given this example:

Think about a grass field.
A tractor drives through this field every day to get to another one, and it takes the same route every day. Eventually the grass underneath the tractor's route is going to stop growing, which makes it easier to take that route. That route then, is the first 'neural pathway' I talked about above. One day, the tractor decides to take a quicker route. As he takes the new route every day, the grass slowly grows back over the old route. This new route is the new 'neural pathway' that you're creating by using the LP. Now the old route doesn't really go away, but it's easier to use the new one.

And that was basically what the LP was all about, if I've remembered it properly. I'm not sure if the old pathway disappears over time if you don't use it, or if it's in your brain for the rest of your life. But I'm a rocket scientist, not a brain surgeon, so I wouldn't know. But the big thing is the more you use a pathway, the easier it becomes.

Let me just say again at this point that these are all subconscious processes. ME/CFS is by no means a voluntary thing, it's not like you want to do it, it's just the way it is. You don't have it because you're weak and pathetic, or anything like that.

Then, brain rehearsal.

Brain rehearsal is where your brain prepares it's expectations of a certain event/situation (say an upcoming wedding) based on previous experiences of the same events/situations. If there are no previous experiences of exactly the same thing, then it will use experiences which it thinks/knows may be similar. It then weighs up the positive and negative experiences and uses that to work out it's opinion of the upcoming event/situation. Taking the wedding example, if you had a great time at a previous wedding then you'll probably be looking forward to the upcoming one. If everyone argued and it sucked, then you'll probably have a negative view of it.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this too well, it's been almost a week since we did it and I can't remember all the details I'm afraid.

When you're doing brain rehearsal, your brain is playing 'movies' of both good and bad memories. Your view point is as if you're in the film (not watching it on a screen), though I'm not sure if they meant third person (looking at it from a view that isn't through your own eyes) or first person (as if you're looking at it from your own eyes) view, I never got round to asking. Anyway, the movies for both bad memories and good ones are done in similar ways.

Your view point is the same for both, both are very detailed 'movies', you see many 'movies' for both good and bad memories. If there are no similar previous experiences, your brain is very flexible in choosing memories from other types of experience for both good and bad memories.

The above was for 'movies' of memories, of past experiences.
When you think about the future experience, you imagine a 'movie' based on all those previous experiences. The content of the film is obviously different: Good films have a successful outcome, bad ones have a disastrous outcome, but for both the amount of information is very detailed and the number of films shown is many.

The 'movies' also have a 'voice over', which comments on the film being shown, or something. The sort of words used in a 'voice over' for a good memory is along the lines of "You're great!", for a bad it's "You're rubbish!" sort of thing. For both, the voice sounds very credible, authoritative and convincing.

I hope that all made sense?

'Okay, so that's all well and good' I hear you say, 'but what the hell does it have to do with the LP?'. Good question. Now if you'll recall the LP I learnt in Day 1 (see post for details):

1. Negative thought
2. Stop!
3. Decide whether you want to go back into the pit or coach yourself
4. Coach yourself -
-- "Well done! You're on track, you're powerful, and I'm with you all the way"
5. See how you feel for having stopped the negative thought. Thank your coach.
6. Coach asks what you want
7. Tell the coach what you want
8. Coach asks how you'll achieve that

Now, you might remember that at Day 1, step 9 just consisted of telling your coach that you'd achieve that by using the LP. But now, you'll replace the old step 9 with a bit of brain rehearsal-ish stuff.

I think I'll give you an example based on myself first so you get an idea what's going on.

1. "Ugh, I'm too tired to go for a walk."
2. "Stop!"
3. "Now, do I want to go back to the pit (tiredness all the time, boring life, etc etc), or do I want to coach myself (the promise of a new life). I'm going to coach myself."

4. Coach - "Well done! You're on track, you are powerful, and I'm with you every step of the way!"

5. Me - "Hmm, how do I feel? Yeah, that does feel better. Thank you, coach."

6. Coach - "What do you want?"
7. Me - "I want to be full of energy"
8. Coach - "And how will you achieve that?"
9:

I stand there and close my eyes, and think of a positive memory that's particularly associated with being full of energy. I settle on a memory of a time I was mountain biking through a Forrest near Bracknel. As I stand there with my eyes closed, I bring up that memory, really focus on it, take in as much detail as I can. What can I see? What can I smell? What can I hear? What can I taste? How is my body feeling?

I picture myself cycling down a long sandy track, tall pine trees on either side. It's late Spring, the sun is out. I'm rushing past piles of freshly cut logs on my right hand side, my dad is behind me, struggling to keep up. I stand there, thinking about how good it feels to be so full of energy, to be able to ride my bike like that. I just stand there, enjoying the feeling.

Now, I take that memory, and put it 6 months into the future.
I've been free of ME/CFS for 6 whole months after learning the Lightning Process. I've become so good at it now that it just happens without me being conscious of it. And I'm cycling down the same sandy track as before. But now it's getting into Autumn, the air is cooler, the ground is wet. And as I'm cycling along I'm thinking about what a good 6 months it's been. And how good it feels to be able to cycle like that again.

And then I open up my eyes, and get on with feeling better.
I'm getting all energised and shakey just typing that stuff out.
But do you see what I mean about the brain rehearsal stuff?

I'll try another example for you.
Have you all read the Harry Potter books? Or even just seen the films? Yes? Well I'm glad to hear that. If you haven't, go and read them, they're pretty good. Now, cast your mind back to book/film 3, The Prisoner Of Azkaban. Remember how Harry had to learn the Patronus spell to be able to fight the Dementors? As far as I can tell, the Patronus is incredibly similar to the LP. Think about it:

So Harry is really being affected by these nasty, horrible, life-sucking creatures. They suck the happiness right out of you, you get the feeling that you'll never be happy ever again when they're around. But there's a way to fight them! The Patronus spell, which is a difficult spell to master, casts a protective barrier around you which the Dementors can't stand. And to cast this spell, Harry has to really focus on an incredibly powerful, happy memory. It takes a bit of practice to find the right memory, and get it working properly. But after he's learnt it, he's able to defend himself against these creatures, and eventually rescue himself and his godfather from them.

Maybe I'm just a Potter fanatic, but to me this is a perfect analogy of the Lightning Process. Just replace the things about happiness with energy (not to say that ME/CFS doesn't make you feel lousy, but energy is what it's really all about), and you've got ME/The LP right there. The Dementors are ME, and the Patronus spell is the LP. I've got half a mind to write to JK Rowling (I know, how sad? Haha.) and ask her if she's ever done anything similar to the LP. The chances of a reply are pretty slim, but worth a shot I say.

Are you still with me? It's a damn long post, isn't it? Been typing this on and off for four hours now.

I'm afraid I can't really explain the application of the brain rehearsal any more than the two examples above. I'm not a trainer, I don't know what makes people tick, you probably won't get any results at all unless you attend a proper LP seminar thing.

And that, basically, is the Lightning Process.
I hope I won't get sued or sent a Cease and Desist letter because I've put all this up.

I also hope it's been clear, easy to follow and above all, helpful. I know exactly what it's like, and reading huge long things is difficult when you're feeling like that. And please, feel free to leave a comment, email me (wikrok@gmail.com) or something if you have any questions, comments, insults, whatever. It's all welcome, and I'd be glad to help. And do feel free to pass on a link (http://wikrok.blogspot.com) to anyone you feel this may benefit.

Okay, I think that's enough for one post, don't you? I definitely plan to post some more stuff up here in the next month or two, certainly some stuff covering getting my life back on track, and probably a post or two about my time doing ME and what I've learnt, etc.

Oh, and I'm off for a weeks holiday in Italy (up by Lake Garda) starting this Saturday! I might not get a chance to post before then, so you'll know why I'm not responding to emails/comments until I get back. Actually, comments won't appear on the site until I get back, because I have to manually approve them in an effort to combat spam. But fear not, I will answer any questions you have!

I'm really going now,

Tuesday, May 29, 2007
I'm back!, Part 9
http://wikrok.blogspot.com/2007/05/im-back.html

Well that was stupid, I managed to leave without uploading the file for the archive of LP related posts. Smooth. It should all be working now.

Just a quick post, as I'm pretty busy today.
The week in Italy was great, I had energy for pretty much the whole week, though I had a couple of days just lazing around the apartment, but that's a completely normal, healthy reaction to my dad's pace of holidaying. Went for some nice walks around the top of a couple of mountains, did Venice (which sucked), etc, etc. Will post some photos and maybe something in more detail when I get some time.

Over the week I never felt CFS tired at all, just seriously aching muscles and lots of normal tiredness. Which is hardly surprising, as you can't expect to go from 2 1/2 years of just moving around the house and then a week and a half after the LP to be able to do a whole bunch of activities without feeling tireder than you normally would/aching like hell.

I didn't consciously use the LP at all during the week.
And even better, my little sister (who's had ME/CFS for about 2 years now) is very seriously considering the LP after seeing me.

Anyway, must get on to other stuff.
Looking at local colleges for catching up on my GCSE's (one of these days I'll tell you what a right pain it's been), and off to go and look at tents for a rocketry holiday at the end of August.

Cheers!

Thursday, January 10, 2008
The Lightning Process: Six(ish!) Months Later..., Part 10
http://wikrok.blogspot.com/2008/01/lightning-process-sixish-months-later.html

Where do I start?

It's been one hell of an interesting 6 months, I'll say that.
This'll be a long post I expect, but will hopefully make up for the lack of posts recently! The physical side of things is easier, so I'll start off with that.

Fitness:
So, end of May, I've come back from a great holiday in Italy after doing the LP. There was, of course, a lot I wanted to do, but sitting around for two and a half years leaves you pretty unfit. Back then I was still at the stage where my legs hurt after walking about for more than an hour, so the first thing I did was join the local gym. I got an hour long workout sorted out, which I've been trying to do at least twice a week since I started. I think that's been the most effective thing so far, or at least the thing with the most visible improvement. The staff at the Energy Level gym at the Guildford Spectrum leisure centre were fantastic, I explained my situation to the guy doing my induction session and he gave me a general fitness program which could be scaled up as my fitness improved. It consists of:

• 5 Mins warmup on exercise bike.
• 15 mins cross country programme on treadmill.
• 10 mins rowing machine.
• 5 mins cross trainer.
• Various weights.
• 5 mins cool down on exercise bike.

The difference between now and when I started is quite amazing.
At first I had to kind of work my way up to doing those times on low settings with the machines. The 15 minutes cross-country on the treadmill was particularly difficult. But now, I've moved way up the settings on everything! Bike has gone from 2 up to 6, treadmill from ~2.5 to 3.7mph, rowing machine from 4 to 8, cross trainer from 2 to 6 and the weights have all gone up by one setting.

All this gyming has really helped in real life, too!
Rebuilding the muscles in my legs means I can walk about normally and not feel any aching/next day effects like I used to. So I've been doing that with the same programme at least twice a week since I started. I aim to do it three times, but stuff can get in the way so I reckon just over twice a week average.

I think just after starting at the gym I went out and bought a bunch of camping gear. This was in preparation for camping at rocketry events around the country, but not something I expected I'd ever get into. Me and mum (the only person I could talk into coming with me) went for a first camping trip near Oxford. The same weekend as those floods. Fortunately the campsite was on top of a hill and the Ford Fiesta suddenly turned into a Land Rover, managing to go through all the unavoidable flooded roads with no problems.

After that I bought ..

So my fitness seems to be improving steadily since starting at the gym, and around the beginning of October I decide that I'm fit enough to start cycling again. .. Brain Rehearsal. This requires the use of a powerful memory. A patronus-memory, I've decided to call it. If you've no idea what that is, go and read Harry Potter.

Anyway, that memory for me was one of riding my mountain bike along in a forest, so getting back on a bike was a huge moment in the getting-back-to-normal process. And wow, it was certainly a great feeling to be back on my bike. I think I only did a mile or two that first ride, and my legs ached badly for a couple of day, but I couldn't stop smiling for a week! I'm fortunate enough to have a decent off-road cyclepath just out the back gate, so I've been able to go for a ride whenever I want. I've also been back to Swinley Forest (the one in my memory) a couple of times, and that's been fantastic. My little bike computer thingy says I've done 122 miles since I started cycling again. In December I put a lovely dent in the rim of my back wheel, so I used that as an excuse to get a new bike. £400 later I had a shiny new bike and no money left!

Hobbies.
Another big moment since recovering was at the end of August.
My main hobby for the last few years has been amateur rocketry, and there's a week long launch event up in Scotland every year. I went there in 2005, when I was doing ME/CFS, and although I held up fairly well during that week, I was knocked back around 3 months because of it. So I didn't go in 06. In 2007 I went, this time I camped at the site with the rest of the guys instead of staying in a cottage with the family as in 2005. And it was, of course, amazing. After that week was over, Dad picked me up and we had a week's holiday in the Lake District. The big thing that came out of that week was that the two of us managed to climb up Catbells! I even have photos to prove it (by the way, that's my Dad in the photos, not me!):

It was quite strange, sitting up there thinking about how I felt just six months before.

I think that's about it when it comes to physical health and fitness.
Sorry this post has been such a long time coming! I kept thinking "I'll do it when I get a chance, I will!" and then realising that two weeks have gone by. Even when I did get round to it, this post has taken well over a week to think through/write. So I'll leave this post here, and start a new post sometime soon (within a week, I promise!) about the far more complicated topic of mental ability/school/etc.